21st

Maybe I'm drunk. Maybe it's just something inside of me dying to be expressed. Sooo here goes..
I first saw you on the bus. You looked gorgeous. But you didn't strike me as anymore then a pretty face then, at that time.

I started to know you better. I'll disturb you with lame "I see you, be afriad, be very afriad~" messages whenever I saw you at Tampines central or Katong.

Then I fell into the lowest I've ever been emotionally. I could tell you liked me. But I didn't feel anything for you. But I wanted somebody to keep my company through my hardest times. I didn't wanna be alone. So we ended up together..

Life does play funny tricks on people...

忘了是怎黱开始
也许就是对你
一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
以深深爱上你
真的很简单

I found myself falling for you. Liking you. Really really liking you. For some reason, I genuinely felt comfortable with you. I could share everything in my life with you, and I loved to listen to you as well. I was happiest with you. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was ready to settle down.

Then it all fell apart. As quickly as it started. Maybe I was too young and too immature. I didn't understand how you felt, and I reacted in the worst possible way.

只怪你和我相爱得太早
对于幸福又了解的太少
于是自私让爱变成煎熬
付出了所有却让彼此想逃跑

So it all ended as quickly as it started. Just like that, it was over.

I've been in relationships afters. But they never last. Maybe subconsiously, I've set you as a standard, a yardstick of what I want and what I'm looking for. And nobody compares to you. Nobody.

见过你的美
我还能爱谁
我一路的追意冷却不心灰
我的世界
走不出你背影的范围

I can't fall for anyone anymore. No one reaches the standards set by you.

I've had more than one friend ask me, why don't I do something about it instead of whining? And my answer? Because I know that there's no chance of anything ever happening again. I screwed up, and I don't want to make myself a nuisance in your life again. I know your definitely more happy the way you are now.

没有关系
你的世界就
让你拥有
不打扰是我的温柔

At least you remembered my birthday. =)

*******
Wow.. fucking long entry. I'll probably take this down when I'm sober and I realise that I was writing nonsense. Anyway, I better get to sleep. 10am lecture tomorrow man. And its 5am now. What the fuck. =(

(Update : Decided not to take it down after all, unlike the previous ones if you managed to catch them. Just felt that I was telling the truth for once about how much i miss this girl and yep.. if you know me you'll know I don't do that often.. So decided to keep it)